So last night I hit the edge. An edge maybe, as I've hit it before, made it back to solid ground and begun racing towards it again...
I am exhausted from work and torn in all different directions trying to be boss, valuable employee, wife, mommy, friend, daughter, granddaughter, and volunteer... Still finding time to sleep and attempt to remember who Tracy really is.
Could I get "restful sleep" in a pill form please? I just don't have time for it anymore.
At small group Tuesday night I heard (and preached a little) about the power and importance of prayer... even when you don't know the words to ask for what you need... even when you don't know what you need. So I stopped.
Between brushing my teeth and hopping in the shower I stopped and shared my heart with God. And I cried to him and gave him my burdened heart and heavy head. And he gave me a hug - which I expected. What I didn't expect was that he would tell me something too. He told me "You're doing a good thing" And I'm thinking, what? I'm doing a good thing by working hard and being a good employee that I'm away from the house for sometimes 14 hours a day and only get to see my son for an hour and a half before his bedtime. When I'm too late to cook dinner and too tired to stay awake to even watch a movie with my husband. When I can't remember the last time I just did something nice for a friend "because I could". What could I possibly be doing that's so good, God? "You're enabling your husband to grow and he's going to grow into someone who helps make My Kingdom known"
Well, how do you respond to that?
With renewed purpose (and some crocodile tears).
I go to work because that's how Stan can start his own company. That's God's plan for him. I'm just part of the plan to get Stan where God has set for him, but I'm part of the plan. All the hard work, stress, and emotional tuggings are worth it because He's worthy. God is worthy and whatever He's going to do with my husband is worthy and suddenly, I'm just glad to be on their coat-tails.