Thursday, October 4, 2007

hello... Faith... is that you?

At church we have been going thru Hebrews talking about "Churchy" words. Incarnation, Covenant, Priest, Temple, Sacrifice, Faith... Faith is what we talked about Sunday and last night at small group.

I have always felt like I've had very strong faith. I've always been content in my faith. God has blessed my life. I can look back to times in my life that God has directed me and everything has seemed to fall together - in ways I know I couldn't have made happen myself. So I know that God gives direction and blessing. Not just in general, but personally to me. So I know that he will continue to. (That is the definition of faith, right.) Why would he stop now? I will continue to be faithful and his promise is that he will be faithful to those who are faithful to him.

But sometimes… sometimes, there's this little voice in the back of my head that asks if I'm content because I'm choosing to be faithful, or if I'm choosing to be content because I'm lazy. I don't spend as much time as I should reading my bible. I don't set aside a specific time every day to talk to God, or more importantly to listen for God. But I still feel strong in my faith. I still pray every day. I read Christian books (Simple Church is captivating me right now). I’m in a small group. I even check the “I’m here all the time” box at church. I’m involved in ministry. I talk about my faith to others. My husband & I speak deeply and intimately about our faith and about what Christ and church means in our life. I try always to be an example of God, of Christ, of being a good, responsible Christian.

But am I lazy? Am I resting on the fact that I grew up in church to fill in the gaps in my depth of knowledge? Am I “familiar enough” with the bible that it’s become like the episode of Backyardigan’s I’ve watched 20 times and can tell you, in my own words what happens, even quoting some of the lines and singing a song word-for-word? Is that enough? Is it more meaningful that I have the scriptures in my heart? Is it lame that I rely on that? Is it hindering my spiritual growth that I don’t read the bible and pray every single day? With my husband? Would the benefit outweigh the additional lack of sleep? Is it laundry, and dishes, and an adorable little boy, and an adorable big man that get in my way of spending more time in scripture… or are those all just convenient excuses? Or, is this questioning of my blind, child-like faith an evil doubt? Am I strong in my faith and these questions are being raised by a voice other than God’s? Should I continue to choose to rely on faith, continue to try to grow in my knowledge, and remain content in the shelter of God’s wings?

I want it to be child-like faith, not just naiveté.


  1. Everyone's relationship with God is different. Its individualized. He cares about YOU not just the groups you're in and stuff. You're personal connection to him is the beginning and end of the the rest of it if you think about it. I, personally, feel half awake (spiritually speaking) if I don't get into the scriptures everyday. God always wants to take you to the next level - the question is if you want to. The hard choices are between good and better right? How gorgeous are you for being so introspective! Such an inspiration. :D

  2. We all want to know if we have it right, or if we just think we have it right. All we can really do is keep trying.
    When that day does come when I will find out for certain, I want to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant". I have the desire. It's the movement that can seem so challenging.

    Thanks for enjoying my honesty.

  3. I'm tagging you! Ha! Ready go. The rules and stuff are on my "I'm It" blog. Should be fun.